A new life I didn't want
- Anonymous
- May 6
- 1 min read
I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis two years ago and I still don’t think I’ve fully processed how much my life has changed. Before all of this, I worked long hours, spent time with friends, made plans without thinking twice about it. Now, some mornings I wake up and immediately try to figure out what kind of day my body is going to let me have..
The hardest part is that people don’t always understand it because I don’t “look sick.” They see me on a good day and assume I’m doing fine, but they don’t see the exhaustion, the numbness in my hands, or the fear that hits me every time I notice a new symptom.
I’ve started cancelling plans because I’m scared of overdoing it, and little by little I feel like my world is getting smaller. I hate feeling unreliable, and I hate feeling like my future suddenly became uncertain before I even had the chance to fully build it. Some days I’m motivated to fight through it. Other days I’m just grieving the version of my life I thought I would have.
Any tips on how would to move forward while mourning the life you expected for yourself?
I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease when I was 15, and being in high school, I felt as if my struggles were invisible or overlooked. And if I were to tell people about how I was feeling contrary to how I looked, I felt like I was asking for attention. I now realize that I never should have thought myself to be smaller or a burden, that held me back in its own way. Instead, being open and honest about how I felt helped me to continue living in a way that gave me joy and peace. I hope you find the same for yourself, just remember to always be yourself, even if that person is not who you…
That’s a heavy thing to carry, grieving the life you thought you’d have while still trying to live the one you have now. And honestly, I don’t think you’re supposed to “be over it” by now. That grief can come in waves, especially when your body feels unpredictable or when people assume you’re fine just because you look okay on a good day.
A few things that might help a bit, even if they don’t fix everything:
Try not to measure yourself against your “before” self every day. it’s a comparison you can’t really win, and it just adds guilt on top of everything else
Let yourself still do things you enjoy, even in smaller or slower ways, instead of…